


That's Not What Spelunking Means

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Toys, dorks being dorks, really silly, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-24
Updated: 2013-06-24
Packaged: 2017-12-16 01:54:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/856440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Come on, Johnny boy, show me that piece of A grade equipment you got stashed in your pants."</p>
            </blockquote>





	That's Not What Spelunking Means

**Author's Note:**

> Silly stuff. Have a half-crackfick guys.

“Come on, Johnny boy, show me that piece of A grade equipment you got stashed in your pants.” Dave purred it out, rolling his hips obscenely as he played with the vibrating dildo stuck in his ass. He tried not to blush too hard as he turned away from him and pointed his ass at the other boy. Dave reached around and grabbed the hilt of the toy, pulled it out, then slammed it back in.

“Look I got my glutes filled up with a piece of shamoozling plastic fucking stick. See that? It’s an inanimate object fucking me, John. I’m being fucked by an inanimate object.” He groaned. “Dude this is so embarrassing. Just come over here and stick your dick into my hole and we can wriggle around like a bunch of Mexican jumping beans.”

John laughed, spinning on his brand new spinning chair that actually spins perfectly. “I don’t know, Dave! I think that seeing your virtue being defiled by that ugly ass just degraded my A-plus plus dick!”

He eyed Dave’s pert butt thoughtfully, “Also you have a hairy butt.”

“These hairs are the signs of my manhood. Not even Bro has this much hair as I do.” Dave gritted his teeth as he shifted his leg so that he was sitting down, and pressed the dildo’s end down on the bed, turning the vibration on further. He arched his back until he was able to see John; the fucker was grinning with his head resting in his palms, ignoring the largest hardon that Dave’s ever seen on him.

“I don’t mind your hairy ass, Dave. I like your hairy ass.”

Dave scoffed.

“How the fuck can you resist this piece of meat, John?” He groans again, “I mean, shit. I’d want  to fuck my own brains out at this point.”

“Hehe, I don’t know, Dave! I mean, I honestly really want to take you and pull that sobbing wreck of a dildo out of you and then replace it with my fat sausage-”

Dave chortled and fell face down on John’s bed, giggling. He clutched his sides and tried to stop the wracking laughter that’s rippling down his frame. The toy still stuck in his ass jiggled, but Dave hardly even noticed. “John- John for fucks sake stop talking I think your melting me here-”

“-and I’ll spelunk you so hard against the wall, spreading your asscheeks with my sausages- basically my fingers, while my other sausage- this time it’s my dick, Dave- kind of just pounds straight into your anus.”

Tears ran through his face and it’s gone, his raging hormones reigned in and Dave could almost feel all the blood rushing from his erection to his head as he cried and laughed into the bedsheet. He could hear John giggling behind him as he sat up and slowly teased the pink dildo out for good.

“Thanks a lot, John,” Dave still couldn’t stop his laughing as he made his way to the idiot boyfriend. “That was some amazing performance you put on, made me jizz all over the place.” He slung himself on John’s form and waved his arms around the room.

“Imaginary jizz all over the place. All thanks to you.”

He really shouldn’t be surprised when John grabbed him and picked him up, throwing him onto the bed.

A clink of a belt buckle and fuck, when did John turn so hot? 

“Hehe, I guess I owe you some jizz all over the place then, don’t I?” 

 


End file.
